Episode 104

Teacher's Pet

In this episode of Tabula Rasa, B!tches!, Allie and Nick discuss the…interesting…episode that is “Teacher’s Pet.” When one of Buffy’s favorite teachers turns up dead, students wonder what happened. Students quickly move past their concerns when an attractive new substitute teacher, Ms. French, arrives and starts flirting with the male students in class. Ms. French, who we later learn is a She-Mantis, invites Xander to her home (yikes), where she plans to mate with and kill him. Buffy and crew discover Ms. French’s lair, and Buffy disposes of Ms. French just before she has her way with Xander.

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Transcript
Intro Music:

[Intro Music]

Allie & Nick:

Welcome to Tabula Rasa, B!tches!

Intro Music:

[Intro Music]

Allie Press:

Hello!

Nick Mercer:

Hello.

Allie Press:

My name is Allie.

Nick Mercer:

And I'm Nick.

Allie Press:

And welcome to episode four of Tabula Rasa, B!tches!

Allie Press:

We're so glad you are here.

Nick Mercer:

In Tabula Rasa, B!tches you'll listen as two decades-long

Nick Mercer:

friends jump back into the world of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and relive

Nick Mercer:

the show that brought them close together and taught them so many of

Nick Mercer:

the values they still cherish today.

Nick Mercer:

And side note for our friends, we'll be discussing this episode spoilers and all.

Nick Mercer:

If you haven't watched and don't want to hear the spoilers, hit that pause button,

Nick Mercer:

go do your watching, and come back.

Nick Mercer:

We are so excited to have you back.

Allie Press:

In each episode of Tabula Rasa, B!tches, we'll dive into an episode

Allie Press:

of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and discuss the lessons that can be learned from

Allie Press:

our favorite Sunnydale warriors and the supernatural creatures they use their

Allie Press:

talents and friendship to overcome.

Allie Press:

Today, we'll be discussing season one, episode four, "Teacher's Pet."

Allie Press:

And real quick, before we sidle into our episode summary, if you missed our first

Allie Press:

episode you might be wondering about the show title, Tabula Rasa, B!tches.

Allie Press:

"Tabula rasa" refers to something later in the series, much later.

Allie Press:

We'll get to that eventually.

Allie Press:

But you may or may not know tabula rasa means "clean slate."

Allie Press:

And Nicholas and I are watching these episodes with a clear mind,

Allie Press:

seeing, you know, what comes up new.

Allie Press:

So kind of a blank slate like that.

Allie Press:

And a shout out to Lianna Haupt for her suggestion for the title.

Nick Mercer:

I heard Lianna is brilliant.

Allie Press:

She is indeed.

Allie Press:

She is a very dear friend of mine.

Allie Press:

She is a writer, a director, and she also works for like a Grubhub-type

Allie Press:

company, but that's not important.

Allie Press:

She's lovely.

Allie Press:

And we love you, so hope you're listening.

Nick Mercer:

What a doll.

Nick Mercer:

We are grateful to you.

Allie Press:

All right, Nicholas, would you like to get us rolling

Allie Press:

with our episode summary?

Nick Mercer:

I would be thrilled to jump right into the episode summary.

Nick Mercer:

So when one of Buffy's favorite teachers, a science teacher, goes

Nick Mercer:

missing and later turns up dead, students wonder what happened.

Nick Mercer:

The male students quickly get over their concern when a

Nick Mercer:

sexy substitute teacher, Ms.

Nick Mercer:

French, shows up the next day and begins flirting with all the boys in her class.

Nick Mercer:

Buffy suspects there is more than meets the eye with the substitute teacher.

Nick Mercer:

The next day, Ms.

Nick Mercer:

French invites Xander to her home - which is a big yikes - to

Nick Mercer:

"work on a school project."

Nick Mercer:

Xander follows the invitation and we learn that Ms.

Nick Mercer:

French is actually a she-mantis who plans to mate with Xander before killing him.

Nick Mercer:

Buffy and crew discover where Ms.

Nick Mercer:

French is keeping the boys she seduces and Buffy kills the she-mantis just as

Nick Mercer:

she is about to have her way with Xander.

Allie Press:

Yeah, big yikes.

Allie Press:

Big yikes on this one.

Allie Press:

Yeah, it's an, it's an odd one for sure.

Allie Press:

It, so it starts off with this delightful daydream - daydream?

Allie Press:

Dream?

Allie Press:

Whatever.

Allie Press:

Xander's asleep in class and he's having this excellent fantasy.

Allie Press:

And my first note is yes, that red dress.

Allie Press:

Buffy's in a super sexy satin mini dress.

Allie Press:

And I love it.

Nick Mercer:

She's looking sextastic.

Nick Mercer:

She's crushing it in her red dress.

Allie Press:

Absolutely.

Allie Press:

And I am all about confident dream fantasy Xander.

Allie Press:

That's a good look on him.

Nick Mercer:

I did...

Nick Mercer:

the first note I took is, is that I would bang Nicolas Brendon.

Nick Mercer:

This one, this, yeah.

Nick Mercer:

[Chuckling].

Nick Mercer:

I would bang Nicholas Brendon in this scenario.

Allie Press:

Yes, absolutely.

Allie Press:

Uh, yeah Nicholas Brendon/Xander was a very early crush of mine

Allie Press:

and still holds a very dear, dear spot in my heart to this day.

Allie Press:

Um, I love this teacher, this science teacher.

Allie Press:

He is exactly the kind of teacher I would have loved, just the no nonsense, like

Allie Press:

do the work and we'll be buds, you know?

Allie Press:

And I just like he's not coddling her, but he's, he's actually

Allie Press:

on her team, which is lovely.

Nick Mercer:

He holds her accountable to the high level that

Nick Mercer:

we all know she can perform at.

Nick Mercer:

Um, I have had a teacher give me tough love in the way that Buffy got tough

Nick Mercer:

love and it was very impactful for me.

Nick Mercer:

I appreciate it.

Nick Mercer:

Looking back.

Allie Press:

That's awesome.

Allie Press:

Yeah.

Allie Press:

I love his line, "Let's make them eat that permanent record."

Nick Mercer:

Yeah, it's so good.

Allie Press:

Yeah.

Allie Press:

And that's, I think that's lovely.

Allie Press:

And I did have, definitely have the question in my head of like, uh, why

Allie Press:

is one of Buffy's teachers getting access to her permanent record?

Allie Press:

Like is Flutie just showing it around to all of her teachers?

Allie Press:

That's not okay.

Allie Press:

That's not cool.

Nick Mercer:

Well, yeah, so in the way he says it, there is no

Nick Mercer:

other pretext for him to have it.

Nick Mercer:

We are left to assume that it is a known fact, at least among the

Nick Mercer:

staff, although probably the students too, but that, that's not okay.

Nick Mercer:

Poor Buffy.

Allie Press:

Yeah.

Allie Press:

Like it's hard enough trying to start over, especially given her past.

Allie Press:

And then you're just, you're just going to tell everybody?

Allie Press:

That's rude.

Allie Press:

Luckily she had this teacher, but also not so lucky cause he ends up dead.

Nick Mercer:

As good teachers do at Sunnydale High.

Allie Press:

True.

Allie Press:

True, true.

Allie Press:

Um, as we're recording this, I did make a note for those listening along and

Allie Press:

hopefully this is still true by the time that we are actually publishing

Allie Press:

these episodes, but at the time of this recording, Buffy is free on Amazon Prime.

Allie Press:

That's at least where I'm watching it because I don't actually

Allie Press:

have a DVD player anymore.

Allie Press:

So, though I own all the seasons, uh, I'm watching it on Amazon.

Nick Mercer:

I didn't know that it was on Amazon Prime.

Nick Mercer:

I used to watch it on Hulu and now I have the ripped versions of it.

Allie Press:

So, um, they're at The Bronze as they, as they do.

Allie Press:

And, um, it was fun, I recognize the song, the band that's playing

Allie Press:

songs, "I Already Met You."

Allie Press:

I forget the name of the band, but I used to listen to Buffy The Album constantly.

Nick Mercer:

There's a Buffy album?

Allie Press:

Yeah.

Allie Press:

So it's a bunch of songs - really mostly just from the first season,

Allie Press:

maybe the second season too.

Allie Press:

But it's a bunch of seasons that, uh, songs that play mostly in The Bronze.

Nick Mercer:

I've tried a few times to track down the, this was

Nick Mercer:

a thing in the 90s, early 2000s.

Nick Mercer:

Like they did it on Charmed a lot.

Nick Mercer:

They would have people, they would have like up and coming bands perform as part

Nick Mercer:

- Allie Press: Mhm.

Nick Mercer:

They did it on Smallville, too.

Nick Mercer:

And I, I have always wondered if the same is true here.

Nick Mercer:

Like have these bands, like, are these actual bands?

Allie Press:

Yes, bands that play at the, at The Bronze are actual bands.

Nick Mercer:

That's neat.

Allie Press:

With, I think, the exception of Oz's band?

Allie Press:

Or maybe Oz is a, you know, in real life, superfluous member of an actual band?

Allie Press:

But yes, those are, those are actual bands that you can find.

Allie Press:

Um, if you actually if you search just Buffy The Album,

Allie Press:

that's what the CD is called.

Allie Press:

And you should be able to find the track list.

Nick Mercer:

That's very neat.

Nick Mercer:

We'll put a link in the bio friends.

Nick Mercer:

Um, I have a note from that Bronze scene.

Nick Mercer:

So Angel gives Buffy, uh, her, his coat, which is very sweet and I

Nick Mercer:

wrote, "Angel, Buffy is really cold.

Nick Mercer:

I think she could use your tank top too."

Allie Press:

So cold.

Allie Press:

I'm just so, so cold.

Allie Press:

Yes.

Allie Press:

I love that move of giving somebody your jacket.

Allie Press:

Um, I'm a very scent driven person.

Allie Press:

So, you know, whether it be the guy's shirt or, or a jacket or whatever, just

Allie Press:

like this, like having that smell and it's warm from them and it's just the best.

Allie Press:

And I love her showing up to school the next day in the jacket.

Allie Press:

That's such a move.

Nick Mercer:

So another question that I have is, I know what my parents would

Nick Mercer:

have done if I had started wearing a strange man's jacket, but hadn't met him.

Nick Mercer:

What would your parents, your parents, your parents are cooler.

Nick Mercer:

They probably would've been like

Nick Mercer:

- Allie Press: Uuuuuhhhhh

Nick Mercer:

Um, it's hard to really say with any certainty what their reaction

Nick Mercer:

would have been as I was bitterly single all through high school.

Nick Mercer:

Um, so yeah, hard to, hard to know.

Nick Mercer:

I mean, my dad was certainly never like baseball bat by the door kind of thing.

Nick Mercer:

Which I was a little bit offended by?

Nick Mercer:

Like he never got that defensive and neither did my brother

Nick Mercer:

and I was like, yay, but also, do you just not care at all?

Nick Mercer:

Protect me!

Allie Press:

Protect me!

Allie Press:

I mean, be nice, but like protect me.

Allie Press:

It was...yeah.

Allie Press:

Weird.

Allie Press:

I'm, you know, of two minds of that, but yeah.

Allie Press:

So, uh, I think they would have had questions.

Allie Press:

I think they probably would have been okay with it.

Allie Press:

I think they just would've wanted to know what's going on.

Allie Press:

Not, not in terms of like, uh, I'm in trouble, but in a communicate with us.

Allie Press:

What's going on?

Allie Press:

What's going on with your life.

Allie Press:

Also, you know, me, I can't shut up.

Allie Press:

So they would've known everything about the situation as soon as-

Nick Mercer:

-to say, I bet I bet they would have known that

Nick Mercer:

you were talking to this dude.

Nick Mercer:

Um, that's lovely.

Nick Mercer:

It's a, it's a nice jacket.

Nick Mercer:

I would wear it everywhere as well.

Allie Press:

Absolutely.

Allie Press:

Um, I love Willow's line, "He's one of the only teachers that

Allie Press:

doesn't think Buffy's a felon."

Nick Mercer:

I wrote that down, too.

Nick Mercer:

Yes.

Nick Mercer:

[Chuckling].

Nick Mercer:

Which is both hilarious, but I don't know, sad too.

Nick Mercer:

I feel-

Allie Press:

It's like a fun, it's a funny cause it's true.

Allie Press:

Um, I have a question for you.

Allie Press:

Did you ever have a crush on a teacher?

Nick Mercer:

Did I ever have a crush on the teacher...

Nick Mercer:

No, I don't think I did.

Nick Mercer:

Let me go back through my, let me go back through the male

Nick Mercer:

teachers I had in high school.

Nick Mercer:

Hm.

Allie Press:

See, mine was from elementary school.

Allie Press:

By the time got to high-

Nick Mercer:

Elementary school...

Allie Press:

-we had a lot of old guys.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah.

Nick Mercer:

I was just thinking about the old men that I had teach me, which no.

Nick Mercer:

Um, elementary school, maybe.

Nick Mercer:

No, I don't.

Allie Press:

You remember Mr.

Allie Press:

Clark?

Nick Mercer:

Mr.

Nick Mercer:

Clark was the one person I was...

Allie Press:

Looked like Tom Wellington.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah, he

Nick Mercer:

- Allie Press: AKA Clark

Nick Mercer:

Um, he hated, hated one of - I'm not going to name my best

Nick Mercer:

friend in fifth grade, but the dude that I hung out with a lot in fifth grade?

Nick Mercer:

Mr.

Nick Mercer:

Clark hated him.

Nick Mercer:

So I think that I felt, I don't know.

Nick Mercer:

He would, this friend, who shall not be named, got in trouble for me all the time.

Nick Mercer:

He was, he.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah, I would do something that he would get blamed for it.

Nick Mercer:

And I wouldn't say anything.

Nick Mercer:

I'm not, no, I'm not narc-ing on myself.

Nick Mercer:

But-

Allie Press:

I remember I got into this heated argument with him because

Allie Press:

there was a quiz that was supposed to be Thursday and he like moved it up

Allie Press:

to Tuesday, but he made it open note.

Allie Press:

Now, as I'm older, I'm like, who cares?

Allie Press:

He made it open note, like whatever.

Allie Press:

And you were a good student, you took notes.

Allie Press:

So it's not as if you didn't have notes.

Allie Press:

But little Allie was so enraged on principle.

Allie Press:

Like, it's the principle of the thing, you said the test was

Allie Press:

Thursday, that's when it should be.

Allie Press:

And he's like, but Allie, I made it open note.

Allie Press:

And I'm like, I don't care, this is when you said the test was.

Allie Press:

I was just so one track mind.

Nick Mercer:

I'm going to side with fifth grade Allie here.

Nick Mercer:

That's not, I prepped for it.

Nick Mercer:

I have arranged my study schedule as such.

Allie Press:

But he made it open note...

Nick Mercer:

Maybe I have test anxiety.

Nick Mercer:

Who knows.

Nick Mercer:

Maybe I need to psych myself up.

Nick Mercer:

Who knows.

Allie Press:

Yeah, but I, I mean, like the story is I did not have test anxiety.

Allie Press:

I had plenty of notes.

Allie Press:

I never struggled with grades.

Nick Mercer:

You were just pissed.

Allie Press:

Yeah, it was just like simply a principle of the thing that for

Allie Press:

some reason was a sticking point for me.

Nick Mercer:

That is so funny.

Nick Mercer:

Mr.

Nick Mercer:

Clark, if you're listening, are you still cute?

Nick Mercer:

Probably.

Nick Mercer:

I don't know.

Allie Press:

Probably.

Allie Press:

He had a great head of hair.

Allie Press:

Um...

Allie Press:

[Nick laughing].

Allie Press:

The things I remember.

Nick Mercer:

I hope his ears are burning right now.

Allie Press:

That would be funny.

Allie Press:

Uh, he also did at one, did one day in the hall.

Allie Press:

I, cause I used to wear my hair in a bun all the time and he squished the bun.

Allie Press:

He squished my bun.

Nick Mercer:

I remember, I remember sque- you would have this net, you would

Nick Mercer:

have this net thing that you would wear.

Nick Mercer:

It was cute.

Nick Mercer:

I liked it a lot.

Nick Mercer:

It's, it's- And I would always

Nick Mercer:

- Allie Press: Yeah, for those who

Nick Mercer:

know what a snood is, I decided that in fifth grade it would be

Nick Mercer:

cool if I wore my snood to school.

Nick Mercer:

It was cool!

Nick Mercer:

You were cool!

Allie Press:

No, it really wasn't.

Allie Press:

Uh, but it happened nonetheless.

Allie Press:

And I appreciate that sentiment.

Allie Press:

Anyway!

Allie Press:

Continuing on with inappropriate things that teachers do.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah, this, so I remember this episode being weird, but just

Nick Mercer:

the second that substitute teacher walks in and every guy's head turns.

Nick Mercer:

It's, this is weird.

Allie Press:

Fair.

Allie Press:

Hot teachers are a thing and you're allowed to appreciate them on sight.

Allie Press:

And I mean, they're teenage boys.

Allie Press:

Or, you know, and whatever closeted lesbians were in

Allie Press:

the high school class too.

Allie Press:

Like, I'm sure they were enjoying it.

Allie Press:

Eye candy is always an appreciated thing.

Allie Press:

Um, her, her face, when they say that praying mantises are ugly.

Allie Press:

[Chuckling].

Allie Press:

She's like, I will cut a bitch.

Nick Mercer:

I have a quote from, from there.

Nick Mercer:

Um, she's like, why don't, why do they live in solitude?

Nick Mercer:

Or something.

Nick Mercer:

And Buffy says, "The words 'bug ugly' come to mind."

Allie Press:

Right, right, exactly.

Nick Mercer:

Buffy.

Allie Press:

Ooh, her face.

Allie Press:

Yeah.

Nick Mercer:

I also, uh, have a note, a funny quote right before then.

Nick Mercer:

Uh, Blayne has generously volunteered to show Ms.

Nick Mercer:

French the way to class.

Nick Mercer:

And he says something like, "Oh, it's right next to the varsity field

Nick Mercer:

where I took all city" or something.

Nick Mercer:

And just the, the uh, outsized weight that I put on meaningless accomplishments in

Nick Mercer:

high school, thinking that they would mean anything to a potential sexual partner.

Nick Mercer:

Who's an adult.

Allie Press:

Well, yeah, yeah.

Allie Press:

I mean, she's clearly not going to, probably not going to care.

Allie Press:

But yeah, it's weird.

Allie Press:

It's weird the things that we find important then.

Nick Mercer:

Good for him.

Allie Press:

It is an accomplishment if you're like an Allstate champ and stuff.

Allie Press:

That, I mean, he worked hard to get that.

Nick Mercer:

And you know what, good for him.

Nick Mercer:

Good for Blayne.

Allie Press:

But it is, but it is funny the way he's not

Allie Press:

so subtly slipping in there.

Allie Press:

Yeah, I'm varsity football, blah, blah, blah.

Nick Mercer:

I have a note that I intentionally suspended my disbelief

Nick Mercer:

about how much the substitute teacher knows about the subject she was teaching

Nick Mercer:

and other things happening at the school.

Nick Mercer:

Because the subs that I had didn't have a clue about trigonometry.

Allie Press:

Yeah, it's certainly convenient timing as they happened to be

Allie Press:

in their insect/ bugs unit in biology.

Allie Press:

Definitely interesting.

Allie Press:

Um, I have a note here, um, when she's out patrolling for the fork-handed

Allie Press:

stabby guy and a bum walks by, and he's like, "You shouldn't be out here.

Allie Press:

It's not safe."

Allie Press:

I just had the thought of yo, I would love to see someone try to mess with Buffy.

Allie Press:

Like some creepy dude, a human dude, being creepy at night.

Allie Press:

I would love to see him try something.

Allie Press:

Just fuckin try.

Nick Mercer:

I think he had a uh, an alcoholic beverage in his brown bag too.

Nick Mercer:

So the thought, the thought of an inebriated, creepy man, try something

Nick Mercer:

with the Slayer is also hilarious to me.

Allie Press:

Yes.

Allie Press:

She would break your back.

Allie Press:

Um, a vamp running away from something would scare the hell out of me.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah.

Nick Mercer:

That's sketchy.

Allie Press:

And I think I'm, and they do appropriately

Allie Press:

appreciate the meaning of that.

Allie Press:

Like, uuuhhhh what is this that a vampire is running away scared?

Nick Mercer:

I think this isn't, this is a vampire who's packin extra stuff, too.

Nick Mercer:

He's got the hand.

Allie Press:

Freddy Kreuger Hand.

Allie Press:

And he's scared.

Allie Press:

So that's a pretty, pretty big deal.

Allie Press:

Um, I have, "Yes, I lied.

Allie Press:

I'm a bad person.

Allie Press:

Let's move on."

Allie Press:

Giles is like, "After I expressly told you not to go patrolling?"

Allie Press:

She's like, "Yeah, I lied.

Allie Press:

I'm a bad person.

Allie Press:

Let's move on."

Allie Press:

[Chuckling].

Allie Press:

Love that.

Nick Mercer:

Same.

Allie Press:

Same.

Nick Mercer:

Um, I don't know if this has happened yet.

Nick Mercer:

I have an iconic Cordelia phrase noted when she's in the cafeteria and finds the

Nick Mercer:

- she goes on to open the fridge to find the dead body, but she says, she bumps

Nick Mercer:

into Buffy and she goes, "Excuse you."

Nick Mercer:

And then she walks into the back area of the cafeteria and says, "I'll only be

Nick Mercer:

here as long as I can hold my breath."

Nick Mercer:

Cordelia, you are such a funny bitch.

Nick Mercer:

I'm obsessed with you.

Allie Press:

Absolutely.

Allie Press:

Um, I just have an "Awww Principal Flutie."

Allie Press:

He means so well.

Nick Mercer:

He, in this instance, he's a treasure here.

Allie Press:

Oh, I mean the whole time, the whole, I think he is nothing

Allie Press:

but well-meaning in a county that clearly isn't valuing education.

Allie Press:

I'm going to assume that whatever county they're in is not super

Allie Press:

well-funded or any of that.

Allie Press:

He is so clearly in it for the right reasons.

Allie Press:

He's not power tripping.

Allie Press:

I mean, the things that he gets on Buffy's case about like

Allie Press:

skipping school, that's valid.

Allie Press:

She is skipping school.

Allie Press:

He has no idea that she has a higher calling.

Allie Press:

So from his eyes, it is perfectly reasonable to call

Allie Press:

her out on those things.

Nick Mercer:

Uh, he is adorable and I like him.

Nick Mercer:

Also, love pushing therapy on everybody.

Nick Mercer:

Everybody should be in therapy.

Nick Mercer:

There's another iconic Cordelia phrase here that Buffy over hears.

Nick Mercer:

She says, "I'm not saying we should kill a teacher every day so I can lose weight.

Nick Mercer:

I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look at the bright side."

Nick Mercer:

Good for you, Cordelia.

Nick Mercer:

You're right.

Allie Press:

What a champ.

Nick Mercer:

You do have to look on the bright side.

Allie Press:

Yeah.

Allie Press:

I mean, is she a vapid popular girl or is she just spinning everything

Allie Press:

to the best of her ability?

Nick Mercer:

[Chuckling].

Nick Mercer:

Who knows.

Allie Press:

You got, you, life gave her lemons.

Allie Press:

She's not saying like she needs lemon, but they're already there.

Nick Mercer:

Weigh in, listeners.

Nick Mercer:

What do we think?

Allie Press:

So yes, this is a weird episode with the whole like

Allie Press:

teacher preying on students, but like that's the thing, get it?

Allie Press:

She is a literal predator.

Allie Press:

She is literally a praying mantis and she is praying on students.

Nick Mercer:

Uh, tr - ee, true.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah...

Nick Mercer:

[Sound of disgust].

Allie Press:

Like no one's, like, yes, it is still gross.

Allie Press:

It's still creepy.

Allie Press:

But that is also the whole thing.

Allie Press:

She is the bad guy.

Allie Press:

So it's not like, because it exists in the episode we're saying that it's okay.

Allie Press:

Buffy and Willow the whole time were like that's skeezy.

Allie Press:

That's creepy.

Allie Press:

Her head just turned around 360 degrees.

Allie Press:

That's pretty sus.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah, but they don't say, they say that's weird.

Nick Mercer:

She might be evil.

Nick Mercer:

They don't say that's illegal and you're being groomed and exploited.

Allie Press:

I think they would've gotten there either way.

Allie Press:

Obviously the part where she's gonna kill them was more important.

Allie Press:

I think that was just taking precedence, you know?

Nick Mercer:

Side note about her, Ms.

Nick Mercer:

French, um, I hate her eye shadow and

Allie Press:

Oh!

Nick Mercer:

Find...

Allie Press:

Oh yeah, that weird beigey yellow?

Nick Mercer:

That is just so matchy-matchy with the sweater she's wearing?

Nick Mercer:

Don't love it.

Nick Mercer:

Don't love it.

Nick Mercer:

So not only are you a predator, but you're also [Allie snickering]

Nick Mercer:

make poor makeup choices.

Nick Mercer:

That's worse than being ugly.

Nick Mercer:

Like you, you have actively done something to make yourself look worse.

Allie Press:

She, uh, would not have turned my head.

Allie Press:

I have a great note.

Allie Press:

Check out how smart Buffy is bossing Giles around.

Allie Press:

Cause she actually did her bio homework.

Allie Press:

So when she tells him, go get bat sonar from this area of the section, like,

Allie Press:

I know it's not books, but we have this collection and blah, blah, blah.

Allie Press:

And she's delegating who's getting what and blah, blah, blah.

Allie Press:

I was just like, oh, she's so in charge.

Allie Press:

I love it.

Nick Mercer:

There's that Slayer leadership.

Nick Mercer:

I love

Nick Mercer:

- Allie Press: And that Slayer

Nick Mercer:

Um, I have two notes related to this.

Nick Mercer:

The first note I wrote in all caps, "No, do not go to a teacher's house."

Nick Mercer:

I think that's just a good practice in general.

Nick Mercer:

Um, and then I love this quote from Giles when he says, "This computer

Nick Mercer:

invasion Willow is performing on the coroner's office is legal, right?"

Nick Mercer:

[Chuckling].

Nick Mercer:

So British.

Allie Press:

Right.

Allie Press:

"Wasn't here.

Allie Press:

Didn't see you.

Allie Press:

Couldn't have stopped you."

Allie Press:

[More snickering].

Allie Press:

Loved that, yeah.

Allie Press:

I had that one written down.

Allie Press:

Um, gotta love those practical effects with the gigantic praying mantis.

Allie Press:

Love it.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah, not the best, not the best puppet, or whatever, we've seen.

Allie Press:

No...yeah...

Nick Mercer:

We're early on there.

Nick Mercer:

They're getting their budget.

Allie Press:

They're getting there.

Allie Press:

But you know, I do, there is something I think that's great about - cause I

Allie Press:

think if they had done like special effects, like computer generated

Allie Press:

stuff, I think it would have looked weird and maybe out of place.

Allie Press:

And it still wouldn't have been up to today's standards.

Allie Press:

So sometimes I like just having those good ol' animatronics or someone in a suit.

Allie Press:

Sometimes it's just better.

Nick Mercer:

There is a charm to it.

Nick Mercer:

That's for sure.

Nick Mercer:

I don't love this exchange Xander has with Buffy outside.

Nick Mercer:

And I think by this point, he's a little chemical crazy.

Nick Mercer:

So I'm willing to give him a little bit of grace, but I think it speaks to some

Nick Mercer:

other things that he's actually feeling?

Nick Mercer:

Buffy's like, "I don't think she's human."

Nick Mercer:

And he says, "I've met someone and you're jealous.

Nick Mercer:

Look, there's nothing I can do about it.

Nick Mercer:

There's just something chemical between Ms.

Nick Mercer:

French and me."

Nick Mercer:

Well, yes, there, yeah, there - she's seducing you, but like-

Allie Press:

Again, it's, it's, their characters do stupid stuff that,

Allie Press:

like, obviously it's stupid, but it definitely feels character motivated.

Allie Press:

He's a 16-year-old boy.

Allie Press:

You know, whether he truly in his heart of hearts believes that she's

Allie Press:

into him and they're going to have a thing, like, he wants to believe it

Allie Press:

so he's letting himself believe it.

Allie Press:

So he's saying something stupid.

Allie Press:

And I do imagine that it could come off that way, like, well, I

Allie Press:

asked you out and you said no, and now someone is showing interest.

Allie Press:

So...

Allie Press:

back off.

Nick Mercer:

I don't think he actually asked her...

Nick Mercer:

I don't know.

Allie Press:

So, no, he didn't.

Allie Press:

He expressed interest last episode, which we talked about last episode.

Allie Press:

he did not literally say, "Hey, Buffy, let's go on a date."

Allie Press:

But in his teenage boy mind, he expressed interest in him was turned down.

Allie Press:

It's not as if Buffy doesn't know that he's into her.

Nick Mercer:

I think they are capturing the communications

Nick Mercer:

limitations of teenage boys well.

Allie Press:

I think so.

Allie Press:

I agree with that for sure.

Allie Press:

Um, this is definitely a very ewww question, but how the fuck does

Allie Press:

a human man fertilize her eggs?

Nick Mercer:

Yeah.

Nick Mercer:

I had a lot of logistical questions about...

Nick Mercer:

um, at one point, too, Xander, he, um, he has like wrist straps put on him.

Nick Mercer:

How did that happen?

Nick Mercer:

She doesn't, those little claws of hers don't look super opposable.

Allie Press:

Those do not look like they have the dexterity to perform that.

Allie Press:

Maybe she...

Nick Mercer:

Maybe she can turn her hands back and forth.

Allie Press:

Yeah.

Allie Press:

Well, I mean, clearly she can turn her whole body back and forth, so maybe she

Allie Press:

does it to get them into the restraints?

Allie Press:

I don't know.

Allie Press:

That is a good question.

Allie Press:

I hadn't thought about that.

Allie Press:

Because, yeah, she would also need more opposable hands to

Allie Press:

lock them in the cage and stuff.

Nick Mercer:

That's true.

Allie Press:

I mean the scare factor's certainly there.

Allie Press:

You're not gonna, I mean, she's sort of, she is certainly

Allie Press:

intimidating enough, but...

Nick Mercer:

You have a giant insect in front of you.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah, you're probably not going to fight back too hard.

Nick Mercer:

Um, yeah, the question of how that mating actually trails off [Chuckling]

Nick Mercer:

. Do you think they, do you think when they made this episode, they knew

Nick Mercer:

- Allie Press: know?

- Nick Mercer:

that they knew that people were going to analyze and

- Nick Mercer:

wonder how it actually works?

- Nick Mercer:

Are they like, "No, people aren't going to

- Nick Mercer:

-" Allie Press: "They're not

Nick Mercer:

We will!

Allie Press:

Always does.

Nick Mercer:

Allie and I will.

Allie Press:

I don't, you know, I don't think that they should have

Allie Press:

gone into how, how that all works.

Allie Press:

I think it's perfectly fine, uh, the vagaries that they left it at.

Allie Press:

Buuuut I'm still gonna wonder.

Nick Mercer:

Um, I have a question for you.

Nick Mercer:

I want you to decide - Okay, let's say you are going to get killed by a monster.

Nick Mercer:

Choose between getting killed by a vampire, or getting killed

Nick Mercer:

by a giant bug like this one.

Allie Press:

Vampire.

Allie Press:

Hardcore.

Nick Mercer:

Okay, good.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah, it wasn't even a hard guess for me.

Allie Press:

Cause after the initial bite, I feel like it

Allie Press:

probably feels kind of good.

Nick Mercer:

Oh, interesting.

Nick Mercer:

I don't know about that.

Nick Mercer:

It's certainly, I think, quicker.

Nick Mercer:

I don't want my head taken off.

Nick Mercer:

That doesn't

Nick Mercer:

- Allie Press: It's probably a

Nick Mercer:

And I don't know, I mean like...

Nick Mercer:

Is it a hot vampire?

Nick Mercer:

Uh, well, it's certainly not a hot bug, but there

Nick Mercer:

is a chance if it's a vampire...

Allie Press:

Saying there's a possibility that the experience with a vampire

Allie Press:

could overall not be unenjoyable.

Allie & Nick:

[Chuckling]

Nick Mercer:

Good.

Nick Mercer:

Okay.

Nick Mercer:

We're in agreement.

Nick Mercer:

We would like to get killed, if we have to get killed by a vampire,

Nick Mercer:

ideally it's a sexy vampire.

Allie Press:

Oh, pfft, hardcore.

Allie Press:

Absolutely.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah.

Allie Press:

Totally preferable.

Nick Mercer:

Great, great, good talk.

Allie & Nick:

[Laughing]

Allie Press:

Um, I see we have, we both have noted the same quote - "Just

Allie Press:

for the record, you were right.

Allie Press:

I'm an idiot.

Allie Press:

God bless you."

Nick Mercer:

[Chuckling] Good, good one, Xander.

Allie Press:

Hey, hey, it takes a strong man to admit that he was wrong.

Allie Press:

Good on you, Xander.

Allie Press:

That is showing some non-toxic masculinity.

Nick Mercer:

I do love some non-toxic masculinity.

Nick Mercer:

I, um, feel that I think this vampire that the, that they introduced and offed in

Nick Mercer:

the same episode, I would've liked to hear - That's a, that's a Wolverine vampire cool.

Nick Mercer:

Don't know.

Nick Mercer:

We could've, we could've, uh, had him come back or do something or...

Nick Mercer:

pretty cool.

Allie Press:

I mean, they did briefly talk about his backstory.

Allie Press:

It was apparently some vampire who was so devoted, he was, he was - made some

Allie Press:

mistake and got cast out by The Master.

Allie Press:

But, in an attempt to show his devotion, hacked off his hand.

Allie Press:

And that's how he ended up with the blady hand.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah, that's cool.

Nick Mercer:

There could have been, we could have had an epic fight.

Allie Press:

Yeah.

Nick Mercer:

But I guess there are other

Nick Mercer:

- Allie Press: Kind of cool about like

Nick Mercer:

her about, and then she like meets him and offs him and it's fine.

Nick Mercer:

Um, I think we see Angel be very impressed with Buffy about

Nick Mercer:

the fact that she killed this vampire that gave him trouble so easily.

Nick Mercer:

But that's because Buffy's a badass.

Allie Press:

Absolutely.

Allie Press:

And it's kind of, a little bit speaks to maybe him making excuses

Allie Press:

to, to see her, which is sweet.

Nick Mercer:

I have a note at the end where she closes the closet

Nick Mercer:

door or whatever, and then the camera pans down and we see...

Allie Press:

The other eggs.?!

Allie Press:

Yes.

Nick Mercer:

I hate bugs.

Nick Mercer:

I hate bugs.

Allie Press:

So gross.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah, I don't love bugs.

Allie Press:

But also, we never see the pay off of that, which is interesting.

Nick Mercer:

That's true.

Nick Mercer:

Who knows?

Allie Press:

Yeah, that never, those, those never come back.

Allie Press:

Well, I guess they, they must not come back because I think it would

Allie Press:

be pretty clear if some human-sized mantises hatched in the high school.

Nick Mercer:

But somehow not the strangest thing that school has seen.

Allie Press:

No, no, no, it's not.

Allie Press:

Um, I have the note, um, Buffy and Angel's last encounter of the episode

Allie Press:

and Buffy just goes, "Oh boy."

Allie Press:

Ja feel, girlfriend, ja feel.

Allie Press:

I know we're making fun of a lot of Angel's moves and his very

Allie Press:

like cryptic, very moody guy - I would have been all over that.

Allie Press:

I was!

Allie Press:

I, I, if you look at the guys that I had crushes on in high school, it

Allie Press:

was definitely the kind of slightly wounded puppy, kind of moody.

Allie Press:

Uh, I would have been all - I was, I was all over Angel as, I mean, I've been in

Allie Press:

love with that character my entire life.

Nick Mercer:

Mystery is alluring, isn't it?

Allie Press:

It is, um, I'm not saying it's the most healthy

Allie Press:

attractive quality out there, but it is nonetheless very attractive.

Nick Mercer:

Why would I want somebody who likes me from the get-go?

Allie Press:

Right?

Allie Press:

That's ridiculous!

Nick Mercer:

Come ooooonnn.

Nick Mercer:

Give me a little bit of a chase here.

Nick Mercer:

Come on, let me fix you.

Nick Mercer:

I can fix you.

Nick Mercer:

I'll fix you.

Nick Mercer:

It'll be fine!

Allie Press:

Cause then if he changes for me, that means he, like, really likes me.

Nick Mercer:

Mmmm, mhm, mhm.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah, that has worked out famously for me in the past.

Nick Mercer:

sure.

Allie Press:

Hundo percent.

Allie Press:

Yeah.

Nick Mercer:

There's um, oh, there's two quotes that I forgot to mention.

Nick Mercer:

There's one from the beginning where Buffy first sees Angel in The Bronze

Nick Mercer:

and she says, "I'd say, it's nice to see you, but we know that's a big fib."

Nick Mercer:

And there are so many people in my day-to-day life I

Nick Mercer:

would love to say that to.

Allie Press:

Oh, yes, but not in a sexy bantery way.

Nick Mercer:

Oh, yeah.

Allie Press:

Like, we know this is a lie.

Allie Press:

I am not happy to see you.

Nick Mercer:

Right.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah, being in your presence drains me of my energy and it is not nice

Nick Mercer:

or pleasant to see you at all.

Allie Press:

I feel like we all have that mental list of those people.

Nick Mercer:

And then, I like this quote, uh, Buffy and Willow are

Nick Mercer:

making fun of Xander in the cafeteria.

Nick Mercer:

And they say, "The younger man is too dumb to wonder why an older woman can't find

Nick Mercer:

someone her own age and too desperate to care about the surgical improvements."

Allie Press:

Yeeeeeeess.

Allie Press:

[Indistinct noise from Nick].

Allie Press:

Burn.

Nick Mercer:

Buffy has some good dunks.

Allie Press:

She sure does.

Allie Press:

And see, that is them, that is them hinting towards, you know,

Allie Press:

this not being an okay situation.

Allie Press:

Again, not bringing up the predator stuff, but like, I'm not, I'm also

Allie Press:

not sure that a teenager, like a fellow teenager can appreciate

Allie Press:

the ick factor of that situation?

Allie Press:

I think us looking back, like, I don't, uh, it's hard to say.

Nick Mercer:

I remember when we were seniors in high school, I knew of one girl

Nick Mercer:

who was dating a 19-year-old or something?

Nick Mercer:

And I felt very strong ick factor.

Nick Mercer:

I was like 18, like that's kind of a, when there's a legal line there, I don't know.

Nick Mercer:

I'm concerned.

Nick Mercer:

I don't love that.

Nick Mercer:

But then I guess I didn't like call the cops or anything.

Nick Mercer:

And so...

Nick Mercer:

maybe, I don't know.

Nick Mercer:

I don't know.

Allie Press:

Yeah.

Nick Mercer:

But, underage listeners, if your teacher shows

Nick Mercer:

interest in you, that's not normal.

Allie Press:

Nope.

Allie Press:

Bad.

Allie Press:

Yes, absolutely bad.

Allie Press:

Tell your parents, tell somebody, run.

Allie Press:

Not okay.

Allie Press:

And a teacher should never try to put you in a situation

Allie Press:

where they're alone with you.

Allie Press:

Ever.

Nick Mercer:

Nastiness.

Nick Mercer:

So, um, a theme that I have from this episode is, um, I think, I think this

Nick Mercer:

pressure that I don't know if girls felt it, dudes definitely feel it.

Nick Mercer:

This pressure to have sex right away, or be the first person to have sex, have

Nick Mercer:

your debut or whatever, that is so real.

Allie Press:

And the idea of being a virgin being something

Allie Press:

to be embarrassed about.

Allie Press:

Definitely a huge factor in lots of, lots of people's lives.

Allie Press:

I didn't feel, feel a huge pressure.

Allie Press:

Certainly not in our friend group.

Allie Press:

And also just not in general because I just don't - Peer

Allie Press:

pressure isn't a thing on me.

Allie Press:

When people would be like, "Do it.

Allie Press:

You won't.

Allie Press:

No balls."

Allie Press:

I'd be like, yeah, you're right.

Allie Press:

I won't.

Allie Press:

Like, I don't, I don't care.

Allie Press:

The whole, like "I dare you" doesn't have an effect on me.

Allie Press:

Cause I'm like, you know what I could also do?

Allie Press:

Not that.

Nick Mercer:

I think when somebody tells me, when somebody tries to egg me on to

Nick Mercer:

doing something, I'm less likely to do it.

Nick Mercer:

If I feel like you are, you are pressuring me to, I'm like mmm.

Allie Press:

Now I super don't want to do it.

Nick Mercer:

Now just for the sake of being obstinate, I'm, I'm going

Nick Mercer:

to, I'm not, I'm not doing that.

Nick Mercer:

I'm certainly not doing it now.

Allie Press:

But it is absolutely a thing that people still make a thing

Allie Press:

of, which is hopefully becoming less and less as the generations go on.

Allie Press:

But I, I did find that a lovely little moment where we find out that Blayne,

Allie Press:

who's supposedly THE MAN is also a virgin.

Nick Mercer:

You're all talk.

Nick Mercer:

And you don't gotta be embarrassed about it, Blayne, it's ok.

Allie Press:

Yeah.

Allie Press:

Also, Blayne reminds me, have you ever, have you ever seen Pretty in Pink?

Nick Mercer:

I've not seen Pretty in Pink.

Allie Press:

The guy, the love interest-

Nick Mercer:

I'm Googling it now.

Allie Press:

The love interest is called Blane and when the main

Allie Press:

character is talking to, to Ducky, her best friend, about it, he's

Allie Press:

like, "What kind of name is Blane?

Allie Press:

That's an appliance."

Nick Mercer:

[Chuckling] [Sigh] I'll have to check it out.

Nick Mercer:

Pretty in Pink.

Nick Mercer:

Lovely.

Allie Press:

I do find that it stands up, in my opinion.

Nick Mercer:

What other, what other themes or reactions do

Nick Mercer:

you have to this episode, Allie?

Allie Press:

I, you know, I think the...

Allie Press:

kind of just sexuality, sexual tension...

Allie Press:

Sort of a puberty kind of theme...

Allie Press:

Finding interest in other people.

Allie Press:

And maybe just kind of like...

Allie Press:

stupid teens?

Nick Mercer:

Mmmmmm.

Nick Mercer:

Yeah.

Allie Press:

Um...

Allie Press:

yeah, I think that's pretty much, pretty much what I had.

Allie Press:

You know, not every episode is going to have some big, meaningful thing.

Allie Press:

But also, I guess I kind of mentioned earlier, just, like, predators.

Nick Mercer:

Mm.

Allie Press:

Both literal and figurative.

Nick Mercer:

It's our first, um, creature villain.

Nick Mercer:

You know, we've had witches and vampires so that's a, I think a noteworthy thing

Nick Mercer:

about this episode, which is neat.

Allie Press:

For sure.

Allie Press:

And I definitely noticed in this episode, the growing relationship between Buffy and

Allie Press:

Willow, like the budding besties thing.

Allie Press:

See, especially when, you know, you kind of get to have a girl talk

Allie Press:

when they're talking about Xander and like judging him together.

Allie Press:

That was just very sweet to see.

Nick Mercer:

And, like you noted earlier, I think we, the continued

Nick Mercer:

development we're seeing in Buffy as a leader we definitely see.

Nick Mercer:

That's also kind of neat to watch again.

Allie Press:

Yeah, absolutely.

Allie Press:

Well, that's the end of my notes.

Allie Press:

Any last thoughts?

Nick Mercer:

That's the end of mine too.

Nick Mercer:

I think I, I think we might be about to...

Allie Press:

wrap

Allie Press:

- Nick Mercer: Wrap this up, Allie, yeah.

Allie Press:

Well then, I think that about does it for this episode.

Allie Press:

Thank you so much for joining us and we hope you'll join us again

Allie Press:

for our next episode where we'll discuss season one, episode five,

Allie Press:

"Never Kill a Boy on the First Date."

Nick Mercer:

This is one of my favorites from this season so I'm

Nick Mercer:

really excited to talk about this one.

Nick Mercer:

And if you are just too excited to wait until our next episode to chat, send

Nick Mercer:

us an email at tabularasabpod - that's T-A-B U-L-A R A S A-B-P-O-D at gmail.com.

Nick Mercer:

And you can also say hello to us on Twitter, Instagram, or

Nick Mercer:

Facebook at @tabularasabpod.

Nick Mercer:

Allie, how can people get in contact with you?

Allie Press:

You can find me in the places.

Allie Press:

You can find me at Daughterpick on Instagram and Twitter.

Allie Press:

D-A-U G-H-T E-R -P-I-C-K.

Allie Press:

And if you want to toss a couple of bucks my way, you can go to

Allie Press:

BuyMeACoffee.com/AlliePress.

Nick Mercer:

And our amazing listeners, all social media handles

Nick Mercer:

are going to be in the description.

Nick Mercer:

Be sure to check us out.

Nick Mercer:

And I hope everybody makes the proudest of choices.

Allie Press:

Have a lovely time until next time.

Allie Press:

Mwah.

Nick Mercer:

Bye.

Outro Music:

[Outro Music slowly fades in.]

Allie Press:

Tabula Rasa, B!tches!

Allie Press:

is hosted by Allie Press and Nick Mercer with music by InflatonCult,

Allie Press:

artwork by Charlotte Fleming Design, and consultation by Evo Terra.

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Tabula Rasa, B!tches!: A Buffy Rewatch Show
Tabula Rasa, B!tches!: A Buffy Rewatch Show

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About your hosts

Profile picture for Nick Mercer

Nick Mercer

Nick Mercer (he/him) works as a fundraiser for a nonprofit organization. He was introduced to Buffy by his illustrious co-host when they became fast friends over the summers in elementary school. Nick credits Buffy for his early passion for social justice.

When not cheering on our favorite Sunnydale warriors in their fights against the supernatural, Nick enjoys cooking and engaging in political advocacy in his local community. Nick's favorite quote from Buffy is, "You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave."

Nick lives in South Carolina with his perfect puggle, Joseph.
Profile picture for Allie Press

Allie Press

Allie Press (she/her) is a Maryland-born actor with aspirations for all kinds of film. Her goal is to play Felicia Hardy for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Allie earned her BFA in Acting from Towson University in 2016.

Allie began watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer during its original airing at just three years old. She's taken many of Buffy's lessons to heart - perhaps none more so than Buffy's reflection that "fortune favors the brave." When not rewatching Buffy or exchanging notes with her dear co-host, you can find Allie with one of her many other hats - maybe as a costume designer, nanny, stage manager, or podcast production assistant with Simpler Media.

Allie currently lives in Atlanta with her partner and puppy. Connect with Allie on Instagram at @daughterpick or TikTok at @futureblackcat, and support her work as an artist at buymeacoffee.com/alliepress.